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Looking for love? Try these lines

By Malcolm Mayhew
Knight Ridder Newspapers

It’s either disgusting you or depressing you — the red heart on the horizon: Valentine’s Day.

Now, if you’ve got someone in your life with whom you will share Feb. 14, flip to the next page; this is not a story for you. Matter of fact, you could probably get yelled at by your significant other for reading it.

And for those who turn up their noses at roses, those who simply wish Val Day was a paid holiday, this piece will do you no good.

This is a story for the person — guys primarily, but gals can join the fun, too — for whom Valentine’s Day means a night of watching reality dating shows and wondering to themselves: ‘‘Everyone else is hooking up — why can’t I?’’

Maybe you can. At least we think and hope you can. Some of us do, after all, know what it’s like to be alone, to not have several children screaming at us, to not have a big mortgage, to not have a second of free time ... hmmm, so what’s the problem with being alone again?

Anyway, to help you find a V-day date, we’ve come up with 52 pick-up lines. Good ones. Or at least decent ones. All right, most of them are just kinda OK. You try and come up with this many pickup lines. Heck, you can’t come up with even one, which is why you’re reading this.

Good luck.

NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST

Maybe they will if they use one of these good-guy lines, most of which come courtesy of singles consultant Melissa Darnay, a former matchmaker and author of the new book Dating 101: The Instant Cure for Romance Blues.

  • You get prettier every time I look at you.
  • Do you mind if I read the front page when you’re through? ‘‘A great line to use when spending a leisurely Saturday morning at Starbucks,’’ Darnay says, obviously assuming that men read.
  • You have the most beautiful teeth I’ve ever seen. Who is your dentist?
  • You have gorgeous eyes.
  • You’re so good-looking. Do you mind if I take my picture with you? ‘‘Flattery gets you everywhere!’’ Darnay says.
  • You have a great smile — it just lights up the room. ‘‘Use this one,’’ she says, ‘‘and you’ll get an even bigger smile.’’
  • I’m a Wonderbra salesman, but I can tell you don’t need my product. ‘‘You’re guaranteed to get at least a smile,’’ she says. Or a slap.

CARD TRICKS

OK, so these are a bit on the sappy side, like Hallmark cards. But just like there are people who cry in the card section at Walgreens whenever they read a particularly sappy card, some people do fall for these lines — and hopefully none of them are reading this and won’t realize you’ve memorized them.

  • Love is a very complex word, but I think I just found the meaning of it.
  • If I had you, I wouldn’t have to dream anymore. (Hey, stop making that barfing noise!).
  • I was going to tell you that I want to love you forever but forever suddenly seemed too short.
  • If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d be walking in my garden forever.
  • I wish every time I opened my eyes I could see your face.
  • Don’t let me fall for you if you won’t be there to catch me.
  • Hershey’s makes millions of Kisses each day. I’m just asking for one.
  • Offer a single rose and say: ‘‘I wanted to show this rose true beauty.’’

STRAIT TO THE POINT

Country singer George Strait, whom just about every woman in the world would like to have over for V-Day, recites a great pickup line in his song ‘‘The Chair:’’

  • ''Well excuse me, but I think you've got my chair/No, that one's not taken. I don't mind if you sit here/I'd be glad to share.''

CUTE ‘N’ CLEVER

In our opinion, humorous is the way to go. If you can make someone smile, you can probably make them chat with you.

  • So what’s your pickup line?
  • Pointing at the other person’s drink: ‘‘Is that drink taken?’’
  • Take out a dollar bill and say, ‘‘I bet I can kiss you without touching you.’’ Kiss them and say, ‘‘Oops, guess I lost.’’
  • Hi. I make more money than you can spend.
  • My pickup line was published on the Internet. Would you like to hear it?
  • You might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look bad.
  • Be unique and different, say ‘‘Yes.’’
  • Sweetheart, you make me wanna get a job.
  • I’m sorry, were you talking to me? No? Oh well then, please start.
  • If I were a guardian angel, I would guard you from the bad, the evil and all the guys that try to take advantage of you using lame lines they found on the Internet.
  • I want you to have my children. In fact, you can have them right now, they’re out in the car.
  • Don’t you know me from somewhere?
  • I lost my number. Can I have yours?

USE AT YOUR OWN RISK

When we started compiling this list, we uttered phrases like ‘‘Ewww,’’ ‘‘So stupid,’’ ‘‘No way would that work’’ and, eventually, ‘‘Hey, I like that one.’’ You have been warned.

  • I may not be the best-looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
  • Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.
  • Are you a parking ticket, ‘cuz you got fine-fine-fine written all over you.
  • Is it hot in here or is it just you?
  • Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mom and thank her.
  • I know a church where we could go and talk. (We’re still laughing at this one; not sure why).
  •   • Why do you have to be so fine every single day? Can’t you take a break and let me concentrate on something else?

CUT TO THE CHASE

  • My lips are registered weapons.
  • I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

BAND AID

A good pickup line to use in a live-music club. Be careful who you use these on; it’s dark in those places.

  • So, who’s this band? (Works especially well on someone who seems to be singing along. Just make sure that there is, in fact, a band playing.)

WORK IT

Found this on Web site www.pick-up-woman.com/good-pick-up-lines.shtml.

''Imagine you are at the gym and you see a woman who is really attractive. But she's busy lifting weights, and it seems like your gym is not such a friendly place anyway. The opportunity is this: Time your leaving the gym for when she is between sets, or stretching. Then on your way out, introduce yourself like this: ''Hi, I'm just leaving, but before I do, I really wanted to introduce myself to the woman who has such wonderful form. My name is (whatever).

''She says something back, like 'Oh, hi, my name is Tracy.' Then you say something like, ''I hope to see you here again.'' Then you leave.

''This creates an opening for you to talk to her next time you see her.

'' 'Hi, Tracy, how are you?' It also gives you a way of interacting with her for the first time without there being much risk, since you tell her up front that you are leaving, she's less likely to be afraid of you wasting lots of her time, but you still show your romantic interest.''

We’re going to the Y right now to try it out. Not.

CHEESE FACTOR

Bad but good.

  • Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
  • What time do you have to be back in heaven? (Boy, we can hear you groaning from here.)
  • Hi. I would like to award you the (whatever drink you’re drinking) award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics, I would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing for an all-expenses-paid date with me.

POETRY IN MOTION

This suggestion comes from the book ‘‘Hot Relationships’’ by writer Tracey Cox. So blame her if it flops.

  • Go up to someone and say, ‘‘Come live with me and be my love.’’ If she continues with the second line from a poem by 16th century poet John Donne — ‘‘And we will some new pleasures prove’’ — you’ve got a match. If she says, ‘‘What, you freak?’’ well, walk away quietly and try it on the next person.

WOMEN’S CLUB

Women, give these a try.

  • Do you like animals? Because I’m a wildcat once you get to know me! (This comes from Melissa Darnay again; notice she’s a ‘‘former’’ matchmaker).
  • Excuse me, I’m taking a survey. Which part of a woman’s anatomy do you think is the most appealing: her breasts, butt, lips or eyes? ‘‘He’ll definitely check out your assets before giving his answer,’’ Darnay says, apparently under the impression that the assets have not yet been surveyed.

If all else fails . . .

  • Smile and say hello. ‘‘It sounds like a no-brainer,’’ Darnay says, ‘‘but it really works.’’
   
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